Is Selling about 'manipulating' customers?

I’ve recently been following, and occasionally participating in, the discussion “Is selling about ‘manipulating’ customers?” on the ModernSelling.com LinkedIn discussion group.

There is a fascinating range of opinions centred on the concept of manipulation and whether or not what happens during a sale should be termed manipulation, influence, managing the situation or something else.  I thoroughly recommend reading the piece (it’s an open group so you should have no problem if you’re already on LI) for the very learned and thoughtful approach of the contributors.

It got me thinking along two divergent lines – firstly why selling has such a bad reputation and secondly about life in general and all of the transactions that occur on a day-to-day basis.

Brian McIver nails the life part nicely with the following paragraph:

Manipulation is a ‘skill’ most people learn in childhood, even as infants. We ‘cry’ not from hunger but from desire for the pleasure of eating, parents respond either by feeding, which reinforces with some success. Alternative responses are to present a Placebo (a “dummy” or “pacifier”) which gives some fulfilment. This could be described as Counter Manipulation. The best (and the hardest) response is to resist the manipulation, rendering it ineffective and discarded from the infants preferred behaviours.

All of us, consciously or unconsciously, try to arrange life to suit ourselves – which television programme shall we watch, what shall we have for dinner, where shall we go on holiday, which car shall we buy, how can I avoid doing the ironing/gardening/cleaning and so on.  However, we don’t call it ‘manipulation’; it’s just ‘getting on with life.’

‘Manipulate’ has a number of definitions, two of which are:

·        to negotiate, control, or influence (something or someone) cleverly, skilfully, or deviously

·        to falsify (a bill, accounts, etc) for one's own advantage

Unfortunately, there are far too many ‘salespeople’ who try to control deviously and to their own advantage.  I’m sure you don’t need to think too hard to come up with everyday examples from your own life – the mobile telephone company that tries to persuade you that they can save you money when they know nothing about your current contract, the double glazing salesman who won’t leave your house until you have signed a contract that is five times the price of another company’s offer, the electrical goods order-taker who tries to sell you an extended warranty which costs a third of the price of the item you are buying…

The sad thing is that the large majority of sales people are not like this!  We are hard-working, honest, ethical people who recognise that selling is a partnership between buyer and seller where you have the interests of both side at heart because you want to sell to this buyer again and again.  You won’t do that if you treat them badly.  There isn’t an unlimited supply of prospective customers in the world.  You upset enough of them and you won’t make any sales.

So, to answer the leading question; no, good selling is not about manipulating customers.

What are your thoughts?